Trust Your InstinctsΒ 

Honestly, my mind is in a jumble. I’ve met a couple people in my life where the connection was unreal. 

One was a married guy, so that stopped as soon as I found out.

Second was the motorcycle guy. 

Before we even met, there was such a connection. Sharing secrets, dreams, finishing each other’s thoughts. When we met, I was drawn to him. He had this energy that made me feel more alive. It was contagious. We spent a lot of time together that first week. Talked a lot. Texted when we could. Then over the course of a couple weeks, I felt him pulling back.

Still calling me pet names, still making plans. But we hadn’t seen each other in two weeks and he wasn’t reaching out to me like he was doing. Quick conversations, if any at all. But sweet during that time. 

I’m not a “what are we?” type girl. I don’t need that. What I need is a little more attention and a little more reassurance that you want this. I’m not trying to rush anything but it’s hard for me to go backwards. I, at least, want to know that you want to see me. I want to know if you think about me. I want some cute, sweet shit.

Y’all. I love hard. And this wasn’t love, I know that. But I could see myself eventually loving him. Maybe it was the way he made me feel – he had the same mindset that I did. I wanted to go on adventures with him and be lazy with him. I wanted him to do his thing and me do mine. I was never distrusting or suspicious, something in me just trusted him. And I still do.

The universe gives us exactly what we need right now. With that being said, he helped me change my way of thinking. To realize that we get back what we put in. That realization helped me realize my purpose in life and new long term goals. That realization helped me realize that I’m in so much control of what happens to me. 

And I have him to thank.

The universe brings you the things that you need right now. Maybe I needed him to guide me to that concept. But maybe that’s all the purpose he had for me. Without even knowing it (lord, no I didn’t share with him that he helped me discover my purpose! Cue crazy haha) he brought something new an fresh into my life that I needed.

So now we are at the part of the story where I figure out if that was it or if the universe has so much more planned. I have such peace knowing that if that’s all that evolved out of us, then I’m okay with that. But I also have a gut feeling that someone who had such an impact, in such a short amount of time, needs to stay in my life longer. I think of the possibilities and can only hope that I have someone, with such great energy, come into my life like this again. 

Advertisements

The Bartender

Ugh. This one was actually one I met at a bar. While he was bartending. Before the thought of bumble, or any dating app? crossed my mind.

Lesson 9. I can’t date guys who drink a lot.
I’ll start by saying that he is a good guy. And we definitely had fun. But we are SO different.

He was 30 when we met. 5’6-5’7 ish. Skinny build. Tattoos. Beard. Kinda hipster. Lives with his mom. Ugh. Not what I’d normally go after but those damn dimples 😍

So we go on a date (bar hopping) and end up sleeping together. It was awful but apparently he enjoyed it. He keeps wanting to go out again so I’m finally straight up with him – it sucked (btw, that conversation is harder to have than you would think). He requests that he get another chance so whatever. Okay.

We barhop (again) and I get so far gone. And this time it was working good and then IT STOPPED.

Y’all. I was livid. And crazy. I had never heard of whiskey dick before and I didn’t like it. I don’t even remember driving home that night. But apparently I was so pissed that I was slamming doors πŸ€¦πŸ½β€β™€οΈ

So besides having whiskey dick every time we had sex, he was ALWAYS drinking.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m down to party. But not every night. Or every weekend. I like to actually LIVE life. Go do things. Travel. We would go out and he would know literally everyone. And not in the ways I would have hoped. He was a regular at numerous places. If he didn’t drink there then he served people who drank at his bar. Ugh.

Our on and offness continued for over a year. Then I hit the “what the hell am I doing with my life?” part of my life. I mean, Jesus. He’s older than me and living the way he does. I don’t want to be like that when I’m his age. I don’t want to be like that now.

I knew what we were. We were each other’s lonely plan. Then we wouldn’t talk. And then we would.  

Lesson: don’t settle. Don’t put up with shit you don’t like. Don’t be someone’s lonely plan. Love yourself and know your worth. 

All the Feels

So lately, I’ve been looking into Law of Attraction and listening to Abraham Hicks and really focusing on the energy/wavelengths that I’m putting out into the universe (because you get back what you put in).

It’s shark week for me so I’ve been a tad more emotional lately than normal. Annnnd with the meteor showers going on, my energy is all over the place.

All of those things do not make for good dating vibes. So, I’ve been kind of keeping to myself. Here’s why:

1. I’m crazy emotional.

I left work to take a mental break the other day and drove to the beach. I wanted to get my mind right. And I cried. I was so at peace that I cried. Then I cried again when my best friend sent me a blog about best friends. And then I cried again because I couldn’t believe I cried. This heightened sense of emotion sucks and makes me super sensitive to getting my feelings hurt. Even not being talked to gets me down. Out of control.

2. When I’m not emotional, I’m sassy af.

Oh, you were kidding? Then please disregard my sassy, sarcastic comment and carry on πŸ™„ seriously, no filter right now.

3. I’m trying to preoccupy my mind with things other than my love life.

Talking to friends (they will piss me off but they know and love me for my crazy), exercising, eating right, watching seminars, editing pictures. YOU NAME IT. 

And then I went kind of crazy.

I’m not a needy person. As I’ve mentioned before, I like my space and my privacy. However, I pick up vibes. If I feel as though you’re getting distant, then I’m not going to stress about it I’m just going to be up front about it.

Probably why I intimidate a lot of men. I call them out on what they’re doing when I don’t understand it. I’m not bitchy about it or rude or have an attitude, I’m just upfront and curious.

I have mentioned that there’s a part two to the motorcycle guy but I’m not ready to go there yet. But this definitely pertains to him.

I get that we are both busy and I LOVE that I don’t have someone stuck up my ass. Hanging out can become quite the task when you’re both crazy busy but I still want to try to make plans. If we have been talking for a month and you don’t express the want to see me when we haven’t seen each other in two weeks, I’m gonna ask you what’s up. 

When I do, it’s going to be on the lines of more concerned about what’s going on with you as well as expressing my feelings towards the matter and then requesting that you be honest about what you want out of this and if we are on the same page or not.

May come across a little crazy but I’m not okay with what’s going on and if you can’t handle me calling it out then you’re with the wrong girl. I need a little reassurance, especially when we are kind of long distance, that we are on the same level and feeling the same way. If we aren’t, then let’s catch it early and move on.

Then I’m thinking okay, I’m being impatient and having expectations when I shouldn’t be having. I’m giving out impatient vibes so the universe is obviously going to keep manifesting impatient situations in my life until I can get a grasp on one of the best virtues. I get that. Which is why I’ve been patient for two weeks. Now, I’m going to speak up.

Honestly, you should be able to freely express your feelings with someone. If they can’t handle your feelings then THEY ARE NOT FOR YOU. Feel your feelings, express them, then move on. Whatever is meant to happen will happen. 

This is still to be continued…

The Pipeliner

Lesson 8. Laughs are so important.

So, I’m at the point in my life where I’m looking for a life partner. I want someone who my soul connects with. We feed off each other. We inspire each other to grow and be better. We want more for each other. Someone who gets me. Who understands my quirks and forgives my mistakes.

After I got ghosted, I gave the Pipeliner a try.

Sometimes a guy can offer SO much. 

And then he laughs.

Y’all. Laughing is my favorite. I have a million different laughs and someone needs to love all of them. Which also means they need to be funny af.

Pipeliner had everything on my checklist. Good job βœ”οΈ cute condo βœ”οΈ nice car βœ”οΈ 401k βœ”οΈ savings βœ”οΈ divorced so knew what a marriage took βœ”οΈ dog βœ”οΈ clean βœ”οΈ physical βœ”οΈβœ”οΈ pretty funny βœ”οΈ family guy βœ”οΈ established βœ”οΈ

But damn his laugh. 

I literally didn’t want to tell jokes because of the annoyance. I cannot be with that FOREVER. Super nice guy, gentleman. But dammit, I’m funny and I just could NOT.

His laugh was annoying but the worst part? Apparently hanging out three days in a row is “too much”.

What?!

Let me first say that this was during Fourth of July weekend. Sunday was drinks, Monday was his place (all he wanted to do was makeout πŸ™„). So I’m like, “hey, wanna catch fireworks tomorrow?”. His response? “Three days in a row?”. Whoaaaa 🀚🏽 okay, I’ll take my happy ass back home then (was supposed to sleep over).

I get back home, crawl into bed, and contemplate this dating thing.

Then, at 2 am… my phone rings. It’s motorcycle guy… what?!

Lesson: some things just happen for a reason, TRUST IT.

When is it More?

So you like a guy. You’ve deleted your dating apps. You’re hanging out a lot. Spending time together. When is it ever right to bring up a relationship?

Is relationship the word you even want to use? Exclusivity? Does it need to be discussed at all?

Honestly, I’m over it. I’m over putting a title on something SO great. Here’s why I’m deciding to say fuck the titles and just go with the flow:

1. I’m at the point in my life where being “boyfriend/girlfriend” sounds childish.

Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s a step to becoming more. I just don’t need to classify it like that. The next time I put a title on my relationship, is going to be when whatever we have going on between us compares to fucking unicorns. It’s gotta be magical and I gotta see something in it long term. It could take a while for that to happen and that’s okay.

2. We’re all adults here.

If we are talking every day, making plans, hanging out all the time, bringing each other to family events, then obviously it’s something. I consider myself with you. Im not going to do any of that with a random guy. We don’t need to be “official” to get to those points. It’s assumed. I’m with you and I’m spending time with/on you. 

3. I feel as though “official” labels early on just helps in security.

I’m secure enough in myself to know that I’m with you and that you would be an idiot to fuck what we have up. Look. I know what I want. And when that happens then I’m focused and he’s all I see on an intimate level. I don’t need security in an official title or label. In time, if we call ourselves that then so be it. Until then, I’m not worried about it.

4. If they feel the way that I do, then what we are doesn’t need to be explained.

We are into each other. We know that. We aren’t wasting our time and we are honest with each other. Why not enjoy it in the NOW and accept it for what it is? We vibe on another level and it’s something that can’t be explained but felt. 

5. I lose myself if it’s official early on.

In the past, once I became boyfriend/girlfriend with someone everything was about them. Why? I have lost myself in every relationship because it became about him and I lost focus on myself. When I didn’t put me first, I stopped working out, stopped my routines, stopped everything for them. When that happened, I was no longer the person they met and vice versa. Love is loving yourself enough to know that you are two different people. I don’t want to be with my partner ALL THE TIME. I like my space and privacy and expect them to as well. It’s important to be and stay the person that the other person likes/loves/whatever. Keep your hobbies. Keep your nights out with girlfriends. Expect the same out of them. Those things make you both who you are.

6. I feel like titles can over-complicate something so simple.

Having a title makes me nervous. I feel like things can change after becoming official. There’s expectations. I HATE expectations. Usually they are unspoken but sometimes can be voiced. Expectations do nothing but set another up for failure. I’m going to love myself, live my life, and give love the way I would want to receive it BUT every person is different and every person loves differently. Just because I love a certain way doesn’t mean I’m going to get that in return. I’m all for loving a person as they are and most of the time that means they are vastly different from me. And that’s okay. I want to learn the person I’m with and accept how they are, how they love, who they are as a person. No expectations. If we vibe differently then we go our separate ways. If we are on the same frequency then we can value each other more, accept the other person for who they are, and let the love flow freely. No expectations. 

Let me say that I understand that doing this isn’t for everyone and I’m not judging those who do it. I have a mentality of “if you fuck me over then it’s your loss, not mine”. I go into things with my all. I’m not leading anyone on, I’m not wasting my time. If at some point I’m not feeling the connection, then I voice it. That’s the only expectation I have out of the person I’m interested in – be true to yourself and be honest with me. If I get lied to, cheated on (I’m sure you’re like how can you get cheated on if you don’t have a title? Obviously we are more than friends and if that isn’t clear then it makes it easy to move on), whatever bad may happen then I take it for what it is. I don’t read into it. I don’t dwell on it. I look at what I’ve learned, what I can take from it in order to grow, and keep on being the strong, independent, kick ass woman that I am. A title or label doesn’t stop bad things from happening. 

No man defines my character. No title or label can make someone be loyal. Live in the now and accept them for who they are and how they feel to your soul. Trust that. If it feels magical, don’t let that shit go because your insecurities want to rush it into a relationship. Just be.

Now, I’m sure some of you are all then what’s the point in calling it a relationship? What’s the point in getting married? What’s the point in wanting those things if you’re not going to label it? Eventually, I do want to call a man, who has taken my soul out of this world and showed me a love that I’ve never felt, my husband. I’ll want that marriage to him but not for the piece of paper or the title – I’ll want to share that magical bond with the universe. Making the commitment that we feel in our souls. Knowing that my soul is going to forever grow and experience with that other perfect soul. That being husband and wife really isn’t even good enough because we know that on some cosmic level we were just meant to be. Thats what I want. Magical, stellar, other worldly, love. And strictly defining what we are doesn’t give meaning to that.

YouTube

Lesson 7. Even if you’re horny, DO NOT GIVE INTO FUCKBOYS.

Seriously. Stop lowering your standards for fuckboys. 

If you somehow found this blog and don’t know what a fuckboy is:

Fuckboy: [fΙ™kboi] adjective: a boy who will say whatever necessary in order to get in your pants. He does not care about your feelings. He cares about your vagina.

Talk is so cheap these days. If he is overly sexual in conversation, wants to constantly touch you/kiss you (and y’all are only 1-2 dates in), or just is straight up about sex nonstop, then why waste your time? If that’s what you want then babygirl GO DO YOU. But if you want a life partner, then do not settle for that shit.

YouTube ran a YouTube channel (original nickname, I know). Our conversation was decent but after meeting him, he kept sending dick pics.

Our first date was decent. Met for drinks, good conversation, definitely a physical attraction. We made out in my car after. Then went our separate ways.

Then the dick pics followed.

I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOUR DICK.

Then was trying to convince me to do a sex tape.

What?!

Dear God. This is the dating scene today. NO. No, thank you. You can keep your dick pics and sex tape making shit to yourself. 

Where are the good boys? 

I will add that he continues to blow my phone up.  πŸ™„

Lesson 9: once you get an unsolicited dick pic, BLOCK.

When Should I Delete?

Lawd! If I haven’t been here SO MANY TIMES.

You start seeing a guy. You feel great about it. 4-5 dates in and y’all are STILL making plans. Shoot, he’s even making plans a month ahead.

Should you delete your Bumble (or Tinder, Match, OKCupid, Hinge, POF, whatever your vice may be)?

I would always weigh the pro’s and con’s:

Pros: I can focus on him, I’m not checking it anyway so it’ll free up some storage, I can stop having to mute my phone while we are on a date, I’m really feeling him so why keep looking?

Cons: if he hasn’t deleted his, HE CAN SEE I DELETED MINE.

The biggest reason why I never would delete, even if things were going GREAT. I didn’t want him freaking out that I deleted mine and we hadn’t discussed it.

All of these bloggers and advice columns stress not deleting your dating profile until you guys both discuss it.

Why?

I don’t need a guy’s permission to delete my account. I don’t need the security in knowing he has deleted his. 

Fun fact: my Tinder profile is still active but I cannot access it. I was blocked from it but people still add me on Snapchat (I’m a dumbass) and blatantly tell me it’s from Tinder. Ugh.

If I am confident in what we have going on (which takes a lot, by the way) then I will delete my accounts, no questions asked.

This can go one of numerous ways:

1. He notices and freaks out and just stops talking to me. Cool. If he can’t even confront me about it then he just weeded himself out.

2. He notices and talks to me about it. πŸ‘πŸ½πŸ‘πŸ½πŸ‘πŸ½ great! Now I can tell him how I date and explain to him that this is not expected out of him but I prefer to focus on one person. That convo can lead to us continuing or him not talking to me anymore. Regardless, I note how he responds and keep going.

3. He either doesn’t notice or notices but doesn’t say anything and keeps talking to me. I would rather discuss it but whatever. 

4. He deletes his but I have no idea until he brings it up too.

5. He deletes his and we never talk about it.

Honestly… I. πŸ‘πŸ½ Do. πŸ‘πŸ½ Not. πŸ‘πŸ½ Care. πŸ‘πŸ½

If we get into a relationship later on, then of course it will be discussed. Until then, you do you boo. Dating multiples floats your boat? Whatever. Wanna focus on me? Cool. Regardless, I’m going to see where it takes us. 

However, I do think it’s important to voice if you are dating other people. I do not think it should be assumed (in today’s dating scene, I assume until they say different but that doesn’t make it right). I am vocal about focusing on one person but that doesn’t mean that I’ve been won over.

Guys think that when a girl deletes her apps, she’s considering herself taken.

Not exactly. 

Remember that leading up to you, I was talking to other guys. They most likely have my Snapchat and quite possibly my phone number. Just because I’m off dating apps doesn’t mean I’m yours. It means I’ve stopped putting myself out there for more.

I had been hanging out/talking to this guy for a few weeks when I decided to get off the apps. I also informed the other guys that I had either went on dates with or had talked to a lot about the other guy. I don’t ghost people and I don’t lead people on. I’m up front about my intentions and basically said “I’ve been hanging out with another guy quite a bit and I like him. I’m just going to focus on him. I wish you the best!”. Some were respectful, still talked to me friendly. Some were obnoxious and kept asking if I was still with the guy.

That was just the guys off Bumble. There’s guys in “real life” too who were interested.

Point is, until its exclusive you should never assume that you don’t have competition. Don’t get freaked out that they deleted their app/s. Don’t assume anything. Just keep going. If you want to focus on him then DO IT. Do whatever your energy feels like you should do. TRUST YOURSELF.

If you guys HAVE added each other by this point (we had) then don’t creep on him. Have enough security in yourself to focus on you, your energy, and doing the right thing for you. 

Is it hard? Hell yeah. I find myself wanting to creep ALL THE TIME. If I do? I discipline myself- no social media for a day. There are so many other things to preoccupy your mind with: work, books, music, YOURSELF, friends, family. Don’t let your thoughts or opinions of a guy cloud what’s important RIGHT NOW. 

We get so caught up in wanting someone to like us that we don’t focus on if we like them. Don’t like what he’s doing? Vocalize it or just let go. When you know what you want out of a man, how you want to be treated, then you will attract that kind of man.

Personally? I want a laid back, hard working guy. What does hard working mean? He’s busy. That means I can’t be a Needy Nelly and crave attention if he’s a physically hard worker. It’s all about balance and learning yourself.

Ultimately, we have to accept people for who they are. We set such high expectations (especially when dating) that we don’t value THEM and WHO they are as a person. They are doing the best that they can. It takes some selflessness, compromise, and a lot of communication to have a successful relationship. Don’t rush it. Just let it flow naturally.

“Cut Here” Guy

Lesson 6. If they have tattoos, pay close attention.

I’m into tattoos. I have them, I enjoy them, I appreciate them. Tattoos on other people are interesting to me; I like looking at the artwork, line work, learning the “why” (if there was one), appreciating the work that they so proudly paid for.

My exes didn’t have tattoos, didn’t like tattoos, so mine were not appreciated (they are large but hidden πŸ’πŸ½). I always let new contenders know of my tattoos because I want to be with someone who is like me and appreciates the artwork, time, and money invested. This has helped weed out a few guys.

At any rate, I start talking to this guy who is covered. None on his face or neck though, so my family won’t judge too hard (I have a huge family and they are brutal. A bunch of guys and I’m the only adult niece dating. It’s like a cruel initiation phase to see if they like a dude I’m with [basically, how will you react to the shit we give you? Will you be a pushover, a dick, or a perfect in between? How will you respond to the 68710373894 questions we ask you about yourself? ARE YOU WORTHY?!]).

He’s nice, quiet, and straight edge.

For those who don’t know: 

straight-edge: [strāt ej] ADJECTIVE: (sometimes abbreviated to sXe, XXX, or X) those who do not use drugs, do not drink alcohol, do not smoke cigarettes, do not drink caffeine, do not have promiscuous sex.

Cool, a good dude with tattoos who is also vegan πŸ‘ŒπŸ½ different but I’m down. Please note that I do three out of those six things so I figured this would be interesting.

Other than our differences (as mentioned above) we have a LOT in common. But there are a few things that stuck out after meeting him.

1. His eyes.

Of all things that go through changes as you get older, your eyeballs are not included. If a dude’s eyes look like serial killer eyes πŸ‘€ you may want to reconsider that contender. Every time I looked at him, the way he looked back at me was like he wanted to wear my skin.

2. Obsessed with fitness.

I’m all for being healthy. I enjoy eating well and working out. I do not obsess over it. If I miss a day, I don’t punish myself. Life happens. However, he had lost quite a bit of weight (80 pounds or so?) and looked great! But it was like his insecurities manifested into his working out. One thing I’ve learned, my personality intimidates insecure men. I’m an alpha female and not meant for the weak.

3. The base of his neck had a “—-CUT—-HERE—-” tattoo. 

For real. My friends won’t let me live this down (hence the nickname Cut Here). Interesting story behind it but a story that wasn’t his. He was obsessed with the Navy, saw it on a seaman from the 50’s and copied it. To each their own, I guess.

4. Obsessed with the Navy

And couldn’t get in due to hand tattoos. I don’t want to be with someone who will forever talk about the negative. You want something bad enough, you work for it. Anyone who just takes “no” as an answer, isn’t for me. Show me your drive. Show me your persistency. Don’t be a quitter. 

Maybe I’m harsh. I don’t know. Maybe the dating pool is starting to depress me.

Lesson: I don’t even know. To each their own 

What is Personal Space?

We start seeing someone new and we want to know EVERYTHING about them. Where do we start? Social media. Where’d they grow up? Did they have a good childhood? What kind of girls did they date? Were they serious with any of them? HOW serious? Why’d they break up? What’s their track record? Are they “talking” to other girls while talking to me? Liking their pictures? Any girls like his pictures? How recent was that? Do they have a history?

Ugh. Stahhhhpppppp πŸ™„

I’m just as guilty for this. A lot of it stems from natural curiosity but then some of it manifests into a possessive, insecure habit where we seek validation in why/how we are better than their past.

Why do we do this?

I enjoy my personal space. But I’m an open book. This, however, does NOT mean that everyone is like me. 

People are so different. We love differently, forgive differently, we are all doing the best that we know how. 

When I start thinking about creeping on a new guy’s Facebook or pictures or whatever, I think of my ex. If a guy liked my picture or status, there were a million questions on who he was. I’m not a cheater but I do have guy friends. Apparently, girls and guys couldn’t just be friends πŸ™„ I go back to those scenarios and think I have guy friends. He has girl friends. So what?! I think of the arguing and defending and all the bad things that stemmed from those conversations and put myself in check. This guy is choosing me. He doesn’t have to but he is. That is enough for me.

I have been doing some reflection on my past relationships and pinpointing where I messed up at. Where we messed up. Regardless of what had happened, relationships end because of two people. 

I, personally, question what others see in me. I want them to see the best of me. I want to know what attracts them to me. I want to know how I make them happy. But really, why is that any of my business? If they wanted to tell me, then they will. I seek validation and acceptance and that’s my problem.

I’ve realized that I need to let go of what caused that issue (childhood), forgive, and move on. By living in the past, I was projecting those same qualities in the people I was dating. Because of that need for acceptance, I wasn’t trusting myself or the person I was dating. 

Everything is a domino effect: because of my insecurities, I attracted the wrong guys. Because of my insecurities, I wanted to dig into another person’s past. Because of my insecurities, I could not build a solid foundation for a healthy, loving relationship.

Personal Space/ privacy requires so much trust. By trusting myself, knowing my self-worth, being secure in who I am, I will attract a guy who is like that as well. If I feel the need to creep on him then I need to ask myself what am I doing wrong? What is making me feel that way? How can I stop that feeling from within myself?

I am only in control of me, my emotions, and my actions. What someone chooses to say or do to me is not a reflection of who I am. Who I am is how I react. How someone chooses to love me is out of my control, I can only show and offer the love that I can give. They can only accept it or reject it. So why waste time dwelling on it? 

Don’t hold back your love or change the way that you love based on fear of another person reciprocating it. Take pride in your person knowing who you are and what you want. Trust yourself and be open to what the world sends your way.

Give yourself your own personal space and allow the guy you’re dating to do the same. Confidence, trust, honesty, loyalty, they all start at the beginning. Show who YOU are and you will attract someone the same. 

The Motorcycle Guy, Part I.

Lesson 5. Ghosting… WTF

Looking for love online seems simple enough. Match. Converse (which I prefer to do a bit before meeting. I’d rather not meet up with someone who is a COMPLETE stranger). Meet.

Apparently it’s not that simple. 

I’m really honest and straightforward and blunt af. I say what I mean. I stand by my word. 

I had been talking to this guy for a week. He lived an hour and a half away but that’s really not bad (especially because I enjoy me time). He stood out because he actually liked talking on the phone (I’m a Chatty Cathy and am apparently weird for enjoying phone conversations) so that really stood out to me. We would talk on the phone for HOURS. Literally. FREAKING HOURS (5 hours one time. 5.). He’s busy and I’m busy so throughout the day, random texts would go back and forth.

We finally decide on a meet. We decided on a Friday. I was gonna meet him at his place and we were gonna go grab food. Then he says “lets reschedule for tomorrow. I’ve been working overtime to get my work done Saturday so we can have all day and I want us to have a great first date. You’re such a beautiful girl, I need to come to you, anyway.”. Okay, I let it slide.

Saturday comes. He’s coming into town and tells me around 2:30 that he hopes to be there around 5:30-6 pm. I don’t hear anything by 4 so I send a friendly “hey! What’s your eta?” text. 

Nothing.

Okay. Weird. He seemed freaking amazing. Surely he wouldn’t just ditch me (especially when he had just rescheduled the previous day because of you rescheduled once then surely you would do it again?).

Woman Logic : Something has happened. 

As a woman, who was hopeful for this one, I concluded that there was no way he could just stop talking to me. I mean, who wastes their time conversing with someone for a week if they aren’t interested? Telling them nitty gritty stuff. Like, why would that happen?! He did spill that he had some medical issues so my mind also jumped to that. That insane connection I was telling y’all about? IT WAS THERE.

So, y’all, I concluded that someone robbed him while he was working on his car. Or he died.

πŸ€¦πŸ½β€β™€οΈ

I’m talking to my cousin the next day about it all while still texting him trying to figure out if he’s okay. She’s with me. Confused.

I’m not proud of what happens next…

Her crazy + my crazy = lord, stop us now.

We drive past his place. 

I made myself a promise in that if it looked like someone was alive, I’d take it for what it was – being ghosted. If it looked like no one was home or no lights were on or whatever, then I’d be a hero. 

It was my closure.

We drive by and though no one is outside, lights are on and his car doors are open. Obviously he’s home and fine.

My feelings were hurt but he was okay. Honestly, that’s all I cared about. With his medical condition, I really didn’t want to chance it. I don’t regret doing this AT ALL. I found out that he was fine and I was able to get closure. Done.

I expected to hear from him over the next few days, but that didn’t happen. So, back to Bumble.

Lesson: Ghosting sucks. If it had been ANYONE else, I would’ve just taken it for what is was worth AS SOON AS I got stood up. I wouldn’t have checked up, I would’ve have called, I wouldn’t have drove to see if he was okay. I would’ve let it go. Im sure there are good reasons why some guys do it but know you’re worth. If you felt the way I did about a guy, then get your closure and get on.

However, this one is definitely to be continued….