Reading Vibes

Let me start by saying that I’m REALLY good at picking up vibes from guys during dates. I can tell the ones that I don’t vibe well with and vice versa. There’s totally nothing wrong with that – you two just aren’t meant to be so whatever.

But what about when you get good vibes and then sketchy shit happens?

Case in point:

Had a date with a new guy. Everything I’ve wrote about in the past applies to this one: chatted on snap, talked on the phone (another one for HOURS), so after a week we decide to meet up.

We go for drinks, hang out at the bar for a couple hours. By then it’s kinda late (work night) so when he brings up doing something else I’m kind of surprised but go with it. Settled on watching a popular show at his place. After the long ass show ends, I stay an additional hour and a half to two hours and we just talk and laugh. He walks me to my car, gives me a hug, and talks about how next time our hangout shouldn’t be during the work week.

The next day? Nothing. 

What in the actual fuck?

Why waste my time or yours? If I’m not feeling you after drinks, my ass sure as hell isnt inviting you to my apartment. I don’t get fuckboy vibes from him so I am pretty positive he wasn’t looking for a hookup. So what the hell is going on?

This has happened a few other times before:

1. The Trucker (I’ll get to him eventually): had a good date, told me to text him when I got home and how when he got back to town the following week, we would hang out. Tells mutual friends I’m weird because I believe in the universe (he’s country af so my feelings aren’t hurt). Never hear from him again.

2. The Basketball Player (another I’ll get to): went on a date to the movies, hung out a little after, we both got busy and it just faded out. He actually hit me up recently wanting to hang out again though so not sure if he counts completely.

3. The Pipeliner: wants to ask me to give him a blow job on our second date and when I don’t, I don’t hear from him.. FUCKBOY.

My point is. Why act interested? Why say you’ll make plans? Why bother with that mess at all?

Am I too straightforward to date? Do I call out too much bullshit? Like, wtf is wrong with guys? 

If I’m not interested, I’m not going to feed your ego just to let you down slowly or ghost on you. I’ll let you know that I don’t feel a connection or that I’m just not into it. I’m not going to lie to your fucking face and pretend I want to see you again because I don’t want to hurt your feelings. 

Honestly, I give two shits if I hurt your feelings. I’d rather be honest than to lead someone on or to waste time. 87% of the time, I probably come off crazy af because I’m THAT girl who will text you after you not responding to my snaps or texts saying “what’s up? Did I read your vibes wrong”, but do I care?

Nope.

If you’re not man enough to be upfront with me then why would I want that in my life? What I seek is honesty. Be truthful with me. Did I do something you didn’t like? Don’t find me attractive in real life? Think I’m lame? Like, really I just like the feedback.

So, if you’re out there in the dating world.. don’t be the dick who just builds a date up only to have no intentions of following through. Be up front with them so they aren’t hoping that you’ll pull through. You’ll feel less like an asshole and they’ll feel better too ✌🏽

Advertisements

The Teacher

Lesson 16: if your gaydar goes off, he’s probably, at least, bisexual.

The Teacher was cuuuuuuute. He met ALL my requirements and then some: cute, funny, clean, smart, went to school where my family is from, sociable, sweet.

The first night we hung out, we watched planes take off and land near an airport and listened to music and talked about random shit. Pretty good first date. Nothing sexual but definitely some cuddling.

During the first date, he talks about his mentor and how he’s been great helping him with teaching and life in general. His mentor is able to calm him down when he’s stressed and they spend quite a lot of time together. He tells me that some of his friends think his mentor is gay and has a thing for him but that he isn’t sure. Goes on to talk about how they go hiking, he takes him out to dinner, buys him groceries…

What?! Whatever.

Second date he comes to my place and we hang out for a bit and then have sex. The sex was okaaayyyy. I told him that I was just starting my period so it was light but definitely there but he still wanted to go for it so whatever. He’s kinda awkward during sex and couldn’t really maintain tempo which made it difficult for me. Anyway. After we are through, he’s freaking out because of the blood. 

What the fuck.

We just discussed that but whatever. Then he’s on his phone. Then he passes out. I’m like… okaaaayyyyy.

So I called him out on the weirdness and he’s all “sorry babe, I guess I was just super tired”. Okay.

We hang out again, I’m just getting off work so I haven’t had time to freshen up. He wants to grab food and drinks so I’m like okayyyy. I get to his place and he’s prettier than I am and I’m not dealing with that shit. He dresses down a little bit and we go out. We go to this cute rooftop bar and he keeps turning around to see the “skyline”. no sex because I learned my lesson there, but we stay up talking and laughing and it’s cute. I leave the next morning, write a cute note, and go to work.

That day, one of his friends invites him for a ride on her boat. Okay, cool. I’m having a mani and pedi date with my cousin so idgaf. He tells his mentor and apparently he gives him the third degree for going out on the lake with her. Why??? Why would a professional mentor give a flying fuck about who you are hanging out with?

At any rate. I invite him to go on the lake with me and a few of my cousins. He blends in, we have fun, great.

We get back to his place and he’s talking about how my cousin is pretty but “jeez, those stretch marks. That’s what I worry about with my wife having kids”. 

😢

What?!

The next day we have fun but I gotta get back home. When I’m leaving he says “my mentor is coming over, I gotta hide that note you left me so he doesn’t give me a hard time about it”.

Okay. What the hell is going on? The dude gives you a hard time when you’re in your thirties about seeing women? He takes you to dinner? He buys you groceries? What in the world is going on? 

Maybe he’s not bisexual or gay or anything. Everything is just really weird. Super shallow (most women come with stretch marks πŸ™„). Very vocal about appearance. Very OCD (I left the toilet seat lid up one time and caught shit but he leaves the cap off of his toothpaste. Ew.). Shitty credit. MEAN sarcasm. The list goes on. And I just canNOT get over the relationship between him and his mentor. I just feel like something is there. Tried to tell me how I needed to grow my hair out because he likes long hair (I’ll cut my hair the moment you try to tell me what to do). Tell me where I need to get tattoos. Boy, fuck off.

Lesson? Don’t let boys be fucking rude – no matter how cute he may be. Put him in his fucking place and carry on with yo cute self 😽

Jealousy and InsecuritiesΒ 

With motorcycle guy currently on hold (because who tf knows what he’s doing- I’ll touch on that later) I have found myself really liking this other guy (you’ll see The Teacher later on, when I learn a lesson and I’m not so damn giddy).

First though, let me tell you what I’m used to when it comes to other girls when I’m dating someone:

1. They claim they don’t see other girls..

πŸ™„ like, I know you see them. It’s okay to see them. They exist.

2. They don’t say anything about other girls and think I don’t notice them checking out girls as they walk by..

🀚🏽attention here..πŸ–•πŸ½

3. They tell me they wish I looked like some girl..

That’s a big “fuuuuuuuuccckkkk youuuuuuu”.

Then there’s what the teacher is doing and it’s throwing me off a little.. he blatantly tells me if he thinks a girl is attractive but he also tells me how into me he is.

Raised around mostly women, I’m starting to think that he does what I do – I appreciate women’s beauty and move on. I don’t dwell on how other women look or compare myself. If I see a gorgeous girl then I go out of my way to let her know she’s gorgeous, makes her day, makes me feel good for making another feel good, and we continue on.

Can guys actually operate in the same way? 

He’s been nothing but respectful. Complete gentleman. Has girls that are friends. Very open and honest about them too.

At first, I found myself thinking “wtf did he just say to me?” “Is he being for real right now?” “How fucking rude..”. But then I really thought about it.

Women are raised to see other women as competitors for men (this is slowly changing but still accurate for my generation though we are outgrowing our teachings). We compete with each other for the attention of men. Men on the other hand are taught to compete in school, sports, in the business world, everywhere

Is this why we are deemed crazy for our jealousy and/or insecurities?

I know guys that are jealous and insecure, don’t get me wrong. But it’s as though they know how to play it off sooooo much better than us women. Maybe because they have become accustom to constantly having competition? I don’t know.

At any rate. For a brief second, I found myself comparing myself to that other girl. Then I stopped myself. Why would I compare what I have to offer to her? Why would I doubt myself just because of a guy’s opinion. She was cute and I would’ve said the same shit. So I re-evaluated myself. 

Jealousy and insecurities stem from not really knowing and appreciating yourself. You have to fully love yourself before you can really have a healthy relationship. I think we all go through moments where we question ourselves, where we hate our thighs or notice our crooked smile and cringe for a moment. 

Obviously, the person you’re with sees more than what you see. We are so accustomed to seeing ourselves that we forget how truly beautiful each of us are. 

And honestly, don’t sweat it. If they feel like talking to another girl then fuckkkkkk them.

I recently watched something on Facebook. Some guy was giving a speech about something (I know, full of information over here) and he brought up our fascination with wanting someone when we learn they don’t really want us. How not wanting us SHOULD NOT be a turn on. They don’t want you? MOVE ON. Don’t try to convince them. Don’t try to talk yourself into thinking that they do. Accept it for what it is and move on with your bad self.

The Boss

Lesson 15. Keep work and play separate.

It takes so much of me to even put this into words.

When your boss confesses his love for you, do not sleep with him. DO NOT SLEEP WITH HIM. Especially if you plan to keep working there. 

So when I got hired, I could kind of tell that my boss was into me. We would flirt and shit but it was never out of line. 

About 8 months later, he tells me that things aren’t working out with his girlfriend and he constantly thinks about another girl. I’m helpful af so I’m like “dump her then because that’s so unfair to her. If you’re thinking about the other chick then just ask her out”. I get a random ass text a month later along the lines of what if that girl was you.

And then I totally knew FOR SURE he was into me.

Honestly, he’s a great dude. And if I wanted to go ahead and get married again then I’d so date him.

But I’m all about connections. I’ve felt two very real connections in my life and he wasn’t one even though he’s AMAZING on paper. 

To be completely fair, I was completely shit faced AND he kept buying me drinks. So what turned into just a fun time out, quickly escalated.

Also, any guy that brags about his dick is lying. 98% of the time. DONT TRUST IT. Ugh. I was promised “well above average” and got possibly average. Maybe.

At any rate. I knew the next morning when he wanted round two that nothing was there. Nothing at all. I’ve tried. I just can’t make it happen.

Fast forward two months and he’s asked me out again. We were doing so good pretending that it never happened and just low key flirting. Now?! Ugh. Now I have to deal with it and I honestly don’t know what to say.
Trust me when I say that that is a first.

I have no issues with being completely straightforward with guys. None. I’ll tell them exactly what turned me off and keep a moving. Maybe it’s because I work with him? Maybe it’s because I don’t want to hurt his feelings? 

It’s just not there πŸ€¦πŸ½β€β™€οΈ

I’ll have to continue this one because I am sure this will turn into a cluster fuck before it’s all said and done.

Lesson: I obviously need to keep going to my meetings because I’m out of control. Jesus.

Always Focus on You

I’ll be the first to tell you that I’m boy crazy. When we are in the dating scene, we focus too much on what the other person needs/wants/thinks that we forget to honor ourselves.

Since motorcycle guy has reappeared, I told myself that I will honor me first. That’s what he does and that’s how it should be. Until you’ve been together for a while, the other person’s needs should matter but shouldn’t trump your own.

What does this mean?

It means before my revelation, I would’ve waited to make plans with another person to see if motorcycle guy was going to grace me with his appearance. I would’ve waited until he called before heading back home. I would’ve tried my everything to see him.

Truth is? If it happens then it happens.

Over the course of two months, I have been learning myself and others as well. Y’all know the connection that I brag about and there’s no denying it. Instead of chasing that connection, I’m letting it come naturally. 

It πŸ‘πŸ½ is πŸ‘πŸ½ so πŸ‘πŸ½ much πŸ‘πŸ½ easier πŸ‘πŸ½

I’ve always wondered what people meant when they said relationships are supposed to be easy. I never understood that concept. Until now. It means letting it flow. Accepting the other person for who they are (flaws and all). Having no expectations. Taking it day by day. It’s all about today.

I can get really into my feels and, even for me, it can get overwhelming and scary. But I’ve learned to feel those feelings and talk myself through why I am feeling them. Sometimes, when that isn’t enough, I’ll go for a run to clear my head and it’s like it all comes together. 

Embrace now. If someone lets you down, then focus on you. Don’t focus on why they let you down or what could’ve changed or what could’ve happened. Accept whatever you’re feeling, feel it, and move on.

I read somewhere that people don’t intentionally let us down; that people try their best but sometimes their best doesn’t meet our expectations.

That’s the killer. Expectations. It’s so hard not to have them. But when you accept a person as they are then you are no longer setting them up for failure.

I have learned to accept and embrace the differences between me and others. I’ve also learned that when I give love, I need to relinquish the fact that I may not receive love the way that I give it and that is okay. People are different and that shouldn’t stop me from continuing to be who I am.

Saturday, I put expectations on something because I had something planned. Plans didn’t go as planned and my feelings were kinda hurt. I sat back, accepted my feelings, felt those feelings, and explained to myself why plans were messed up. I explained to myself how people really are trying and how they are doing the best that they can. Life happens. It’s not like they wanted to cancel plans. 

I was still pissed so I went for a run and when I got back the universe helped me understand that what had happened was for the best. Within an hour I went from salty af to grateful that the plans didn’t go through.

What an amazing feeling?! My heart is so full and so thankful knowing that everything happens for a reason. I’m not freaking out because something didn’t happen. I’m not freaking out waiting on text messages. I’m simply in my own world, being thankful for what is in front of me and taking the opportunities that I have been granted.

There’s nothing like being present. It releases so much pressure and anxiety and even expectations. Focus on you and your energy and everything else just falls in place.

Motorcycle Guy Part III???

Dammit. Man.

Y’all. As soon as I’m feeling good and not thinking of him as much, he drops back in.

I’m starting to think that maybe I should just exit the dating scene until I can either fully get over him or he can fully let me know that he’s not scared of us anymore.

So I’m driving two hours away to go on a date with the guy I went to school with. While in route, motorcycle guy calls me.

My first response? I smile.

I fucking smile.

Part of me knew I would hear from him again but part of me knew that we were done.

We start talking and he finally admits that my risky text scared him. Then tried to cover that up saying that nothing scares him but that’s when it all clicked for me – I scare him.

Over the past week, he’s been in a lot of shit. So, of course, I cut him some slack.

Now, part of the meetings that I attend say not to hold resentment – forgiveness is needed for your happiness. I’m also learning to appreciate the now more. Sure, it’s great to have an idea of what I want to do this weekend but definite plans will happen when it gets here. Another is attracting people who are available and this is the one that really latches onto me.

What do you do when you both feel something so incredibly strong but one of you is scared? Scared of letting anyone in again. Scared of letting go and opening up more. 

I wish I knew.

He told me how there’s no other girl in the world like me but he doesn’t know how to give his heart away again. He doesn’t know how to communicate like he used to. He told me that he’s not sure if he wants to be tied down. Honestly, I don’t know if I want that either. I don’t want to be tied down, I want to grow with someone. 

I can’t fix him. I don’t want to. The only thing I can truly do is be his friend. No matter how much it hurts, I can only be his friend. 

Truth is, it kills me that he knows and feels what we are/what we could be. I can’t be mad though because he doesn’t want to jump into this until he’s ready. I can respect that. 

But he’s also talking about leaving. Into another state. Now, where I’m at, there’s only a couple states that would straight suck if he moved to and where he’s moving isn’t one of them. Ultimately, it puts him 2-2.5 hours away. Still not bad. But he’s also thinking about moving closer. It could go any way.

When he told me this, my heart kind of broke knowing that he would be even further away. It also had a glimmer of hope. But in the same conversation, “but what about you?” and all of this crazy talk about how he wants to be closer and not farther.

Either he is the BEST manipulator ever or what I’m feeling between us is true. 

We literally talked for what felt like 10 minutes but was really 45. I laughed more than I’ve laughed for a while. And when we hung up, I was pissed. I was frustrated. Here I was going on a date and I planned a weekend with him. Here I don’t hear from him in over a week, and am livid, only to learn some bad shit happened. Here I am bitter and he reached out to me when he needed a friend. 

Honestly, I’ve spent so much time asking others for guidance that I’ve never trusted my own instincts. Regardless of him not talking to me, regardless of not seeing him, I am still drawn to him and I still trust him. I still feel connected on a level that I don’t understand- that is beyond me.

If you look at him on paper, nothing about us fits together. But together? I’ve never been at such peace with another person.

So this is part three. I’m not even sure where it’s going. I’m not sure if I’m an idiot. I’m not sure if I’m gullible. All I’m sure about is how my happiness is intensified when we see each other or talk. If I don’t take the risk then will I regret it later? Ive got to go with this because if I don’t then I’ll always wonder what if…?

The Guy from High School

Lesson 14. No more guys I went to high school with.

I promised myself that I would never, ever date another guy that I went to school with.

Ever.

And then this shit happens.

So, this guy in particular doesn’t live where we grew up anymore. Neither do I but we don’t live close to each other either. Being the small world that it is, I found out about maybe a year ago that he hangs out with the guys in my family.

How does this happen? Sports. So who starts getting hell about said guy from the members in her family? This girl.

So he finds out I’m related and has been subtly trying to get me to hang out. I say subtle but sometimes it was very blunt as he was super drunk and Facetiming me.

At any rate.

I finally give in.

Y’all know that I go to meetings. So after my meeting, I drove two hours to hang out and have drinks.

I show up and he’s all like “I’m sleepy”.

What?

He proceeds to say we should have a few shots, which I argue because I was gonna drive home. He proceeds to tell me I can crash there. Okay, whatever. But midnight rolls around and I’m like okay I’m ready for bed. He lets me borrow a shirt, promises no risky business, and we lay down.

Two hours later, guess who’s on top of me?

πŸ™„

FUCKBOY. Nothing happened as I kept saying no, but it’s the fucking point.

I was skeptical about this whole situation but figured what the hell, why not? He was super shy in school so I figured it could go either way. I was really hoping he would prove me wrong.

Lesson: it didn’t work then, it probably won’t work now. The world is massive, I’d rather waste my time on someone I don’t fucking know.

I’m getting really fucking sick of all the fuckboys. And just when that happens, I get another unexpected surprise…

The Carpenter

Lesson 13. The sex may be really good but don’t lead him on.

So, when I met the carpenter he seemed normal. 420 friendly but whatever. Cute, hard worker, but honestly I didn’t know much about him. We didn’t talk long before meeting up. Then we hooked up. Then I learned he believes the world is flat.

Yupppp.

He believes the world is flat.

Literally, I cannot.

Not only is the world flat but space is like a myth. No one has ever been to space. Or the moon.

Y’all. 😢

It took everything I had not to laugh. Now, don’t get me wrong, I respect his opinion but I simply do not agree with it.

Thinking long term – how would we explain to our kids that daddy thinks the world is flat and mommy believes in the universe and aliens and shit?!

It just doesn’t mix.

On top of that, he started to catch feelings that I wasn’t ready for. During sex, we had a connection but before or after? Not so much.

Lesson: if it’s not magical and unicorns and out of this world shit, then why bother? Because the sex is good? πŸ™„ no. Don’t waste your time or his (especially if y’all aren’t on the same page).

Dealing With It…

So I’ve noticed a pattern with me – when my heart gets broken, I become a hoe.

And I’m not ashamed of it.

So there’s pros and cons with this:

Pros:

1. I focus on other guys besides the one I was hung up on.

πŸ‘πŸ½πŸ‘πŸ½πŸ‘πŸ½ most likely I’ve let my mind be consumed by that guy and drove myself crazy, all while ignoring the guys who actually gave a fuck. So, I preoccupy my mind with different guys. This is different from paying attention to one to start dating them, this is more rebound.

2. I have fun and don’t second guess it.

I do the most spontaneous things with a broken heart. Being a hoe. Adopting a dog. Jumping out of a plane. I say yes to literally, almost, everything.

3. It helps me realize my worth again.

A lot of girls may feel like shit after hooking up with guys, but it gives me a high (remember, I go to meetings). I remember that I’m wanted and reminded by how bad ass I am πŸ’πŸ½

Cons

1. Guys catch feelings when I don’t want them to

It’s always at the most inconvenient time and always the guys I don’t care to carry on a relationship with. Dammit.

2. The number situation

Ugh, then there’s adding to your number πŸ™„ fuck that number anyway.

3. Kind of gets exhausting 

Keeping up with all the guys and dating like a guy can be SO exhausting. That’s usually when I crash and start being a good girl again πŸ˜‚

I don’t slut shame – I have no right to. Society has been taught that women/ladies/girls are these fragile creatures that need to be handled delicately and anything outside of fragility and delicacy is taboo. Having a sex drive, being openly sexual, not being modest, cussing, tattoos, being outspoken, wild – all frowned upon. But why?

Fuck that.

It may be my gypsy soul but I love all that shit. I love doing whatever I want. I love just running. I love adding body work to my temple. I love calling people out on their bullshit. I love having sex. 

If I want to get laid, I don’t give a shit about someone else’s opinion.

The thing is, when I’m into someone I give them my all. There’s no questioning my loyalty or intentions. When it all goes to hell in a handbag? It’s like I make up for lost time. I give all those guys who wanted a chance, a chance. I see if I’ve been missing out on anything. Sometimes that means going on multiple dates in one day. Sometimes that means having sex. Sometimes that means doing something crazy like going into a different city at 10 at night in order to have drinks with someone who lives two hours away.

My point? Just do it. Who gives a fuck about what anyone else thinks? You do you. Whatever makes you happy, do it. Use your heartbreak to experience something new and crazy. Something completely out of your character because why not??


The Steelers Fan

Lesson 12. If he has a huge tattoo of a sports team, can he really be THAT interesting?

So I matched up with this guy. Same age, super cute, he told me he worked for a HUGE company (so I was like damn, boy has his head in his shoulders).

We talk for literally a month and a half (off and on because motorcycle guy is a douche) before we decide to meet up.

We meet at a brewery and he’s super sweet. However, in my drunken stupor (I’m refraining from drinking here on out) I look over the following facts that I learn during our date:

1. He still lives at home. Supposedly waiting on his friend to get a good job so they can be roomies.

What?! Are you not capable of living on your own? No thanks.

2. Sadly, while intoxicated, we made it back to my place. Where I learn that he has a MASSIVE steelers tattoo. Massive.

Now I’m all for body art. I have huge tattoos, they don’t bother me… when they are nice tattoos. This one? Not so much. His others were nice. Idk where that one went wrong.

3. I’m 79% sure he’s uncircumcised.

It was just different for me. Not something I’d ever experienced before and it really didn’t feel amazing. Sex is a huge part of me (I go to meetings πŸ™„) and I really need to enjoy it. It just wasn’t working for me. So I stopped.

During sex, I stopped. I jumped off and said I cannot do this. I have neverΒ done that. Ever.

After that whole situation, I was thinking maybe if we don’t have sex then I will like him for him and the sex will be good down the road. So, I voted to keep talking to him. What could it hurt?

Literally, so boring. Like, we don’t talk about ANYTHING. Just the usual how’s your day going? I miss you (him, because I rarely miss people). Blah, blah, blah.

There’s nothing to keep me coming back. He tried (and is still trying). But honestly, why try to force it?

My point? If all he can think of getting tattooed on his body is a huge ass tattoo of a sports team, does he really have much to offer personality wise?

Lesson: I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again TATTOOS ARE SO IMPORTANT. If he has them, really look at them and ask him why. We all have drunken mistakes but was it thought out? Was it spur of the moment? Can you stand to look at it FOREVER?