I hear people say if someone is really into someone else, it doesn’t matter what that person may have going on, they are gonna go through hell or high water to make it work.
But does that statement always apply?
What about being ready financially? What about being ready emotionally? Or is it when you build something great and are patient through the trivial times so that when timing is right, everything just falls in place?
But what about the statement “a woman who is worth having will not wait for anyone”?
Here’s the thing. Fuck those statements.
Everyone is always searching for advice on where to turn, how to interpret certain actions/words, what do do if [insert some dilemma here] happens. We constantly want validation and for something to be certain.
That is not where the beauty lies.
I’m an emotional roller coaster when I start analyzing what he really meant by doing this or saying that. Maybe he simply meant what he said. Maybe when he did something, he did it because that’s what was right in that moment. Maybe the fact that he’s trying, even during financial hardship, should mean more than failing your expectations.
Friday night, I had a mental breakdown. Part boy problems, part self problems, part friend problems, part family problems. And I stayed in that funk all day/night Saturday. I woke up Sunday and read this:
Here’s my reasoning.
In terms of making something work no matter what, at all costs. Why would I want a guy to do that? I don’t want him to file bankruptcy trying to date me. I don’t want him to try to be emotionally ready if it’s something we have to build. I don’t expect him to bend backwards to make this work but if he’s putting forth effort even though he has a substantial amount of things going on in his life, I want to stop and appreciate that.
What about emotionally? Not only is he going through shit financially but the last time he loved, he was crushed. He doesn’t let a lot of people in so, eventually, when he does he really means it. The subtle, little things that show he’s opening up, take those as wins. He’s allowing himself to let you in a little at a time.
Then there are the friends who, outside looking in, give the advice “you deserve so much better”, “get you a guy who can…”, “why are you allowing him to…”, “I don’t want you to settle…”, “don’t lower your standards…”.
Honestly, I get all of that. Outside looking in, I would say the same shit.
Here’s the difference in giving a guy a chance and lowering your standards:
1. He’s not financially stable but he’s trying. He’s not asking you for money, he’s not relying on you in order for you guys to see each other. He’s constantly working in order to better himself and relying on himself to make sure you guys spend time together. He doesn’t ask anything out of you other than to understand his situation and realize that he’s doing the best that he can to incorporate you into his life while not involving you with his hardships.
2. He respects you. He never EVER disrespects you. No name calling, no belittling, no negativity. He builds you up when you doubt yourself. He reminds you of how great you are. He wants to see you grow and succeed. He pushes you to be a better person and never makes you feel pressure to do something you don’t want to do. He doesn’t ask anything from you except for your time. He doesn’t disrespect your friends or family. He genuinely cares for you.
3. He’s not available all the time. Not because he doesn’t want to hang out or because there’s another girl. He’s legit busy trying to get his shit together. He’s not trying to be a dick or come across unresponsive, he’s working. He calls or texts when he can. You hear from him daily. This one was hard for me because I had a guy who wanted to talk every hour on the hour. Now? It’s nice not talking to someone ALL the time. Freedom to do me but I know if I need him, he will be there.
4. He’s not all that on paper. However, he’s skilled across the board. He knows a little about a lot. Quick thinker/problem solver. Outgoing and sociable. Great energy. Optimistic. Overall, a great person. I don’t care if a guy has went to college or if he has a 9-5. If you’re not a GOOD person, I do not care. Show me you can take care of me mentally. Show me you have ambition and drive. Show me that in hard times, you thrive. That’s what I want. Not someone who is gonna bail when hard times come.
If you know that the person you’re into is going through some shit, be patient. Appreciate what they are able to do. Take note on their attitude and how they make an effort. Notice their little wins and be happy for them. Be patient and realize that not everyone is able to give you the fairytale love right off the bat. Use this time to grow as friends because that is going to lead to one hell of a relationship.
Bad times aren’t just for bad people. If you can tell he’s a good guy but going through a rough patch, ask yourself if he’s worth it. Ask yourself if you will regret letting him go later because you couldn’t be patient. Maybe the universe is pulling you together to test you now so you reap the benefits later.