The Professional Eater

You read that right. 

Lesson 15. Just trust your heart.

I’ve reached that pivotal point in my life where not only is my heart hung up at the moment, but dating is exhausting.
I’ve talked to friends about what is going on with motorcycle guy. Some have told me to wait it out; be patient, focus on myself, don’t date anyone else. Others have said that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone.

So, I figured I would try the easiest first (because, let’s face it, I’m not patient). 

How much did that date fail, you may be wondering? Well, I ended up talking about motorcycle guy to the guy I was on a date with. He was super nice about it, giving me advice (which turned out to be patient).

Here’s the thing. You can’t date when your heart is invested somewhere else. You can try to cover the feelings up. You can try to ignore them by drinking. You can try to quiet them by filling the void with other men. You can try everything you want but there’s a reason why you feel the way you do.

I did some reflecting last night, as motorcycle guy had been quiet and I needed to really think about what I wanted. Maybe I feel the way that I do about him and he is going through what he s going through (reason why he’s quiet) so we can both grow individually. We are not completely absent from each other’s life. Maybe we both need to work on ourselves, have each other there for support, and if a beautiful thing blossoms out of that then we did things the right way. And even if it’s just a friendship, everything happens for a reason.

I’ve been single now for six months. The longest that I’ve been single since my divorce. I’m learning who I am and who I’m not. I’m unlearning lessons taught to me that were just blocking my way. I’m learning self acceptance. I’m learning how to be by myself. I’m learning that to love someone doesn’t mean you have to be intimate. I’m learning the value of friendship. I’m learning to live for right now.

In this society, relationships have become two dimensional and easily disposable. We overshare on social media, we blog/vlog about our lives, we want to know what people are doing and where they are at. We forget to live for us. 

The most amazing relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself. You don’t need to be dating or be in a relationship to feel whole or happy. Sometimes you just need to let go and welcome the unknown.

From here on out, this will no longer be The Bumble Diaries. Hello, Forever Awakening. 

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