As I approach 30, I’m so proud of the personal growth I’ve went through to become who I am. I went through SUCH changes after my separation and divorce that I’m definitely not the same person I was a couple years ago. Maybe, because I’m writing this following a breakup, I’m a little jaded and maybe a little bitter. Maybe I’m realizing that my eggs are a ticking time bomb but I know the connection I seek and I know I don’t want to settle. The girl a couple years ago just didn’t care.
That being said, I think THAT girl was dateable.
That girl was fun, carefree, a people pleaser, constantly busy, and constantly having a good time. And none of that is bad, at all. But she was staying busy to avoid the internal mess that was in her head.
I’m starting to think that the more awakened I become, the less of the dating scene I want. I will even go as far to say that I’m less dateable because of it.
While I’m still fun, carefree, and always making the best of situations, I’m no longer a people pleaser. Ive become more blunt since finding my inner peace and I’m finding a lot of bachelors do not appreciate that.
In the dating scene, I’ve learned to let go of expectations – if it clicks then it clicks, if it doesn’t then move on. I’m no longer insecure and know my worth. Is it with age that one truly starts to appreciate themselves and what they offer? There’s no more room for settling and most men simply do not want to step up.
I feel as though I’m at a weird age for dating, anyway. Most of my friends are in serious relationships or have kids already. Me? I’m planning a girls trip to Mexico to celebrate my 30th. The guys my age are immature and typically go for younger women. Guys in their mid-thirties have kids already and just got out of something serious. Surely I can’t be the only divorced 29 year old who wants companionship over a lay?!
I crave that connection. Being physically attracted to someone is important but so is that person’s character and intellect and personality. It’s got to be deeper than looks. We’ve got to connect on a cosmic level.
Then I talk about the moon and the stars and the universe and chakras and crystals and I’m called weird anyway 🙄
Has dating always been this difficult? Have people always been so closed minded? Has my awakening caused me to become more picky? Obviously it all happens for a reason but does it get better!